I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
