Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
