Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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