dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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