I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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