I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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