sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
