I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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