did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
