Will you blow on my dice?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Randomize
