You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
