you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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