I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
