how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
