People in love make me want to vomit
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
