We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
