my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
