My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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