drinking out of a sandbucket again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
