But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
