apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
