You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My pussy is not your playground.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
