During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
