wanna go halves on a baby?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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