HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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