i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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