i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
