I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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