Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
