dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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