I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
