I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
