I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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