I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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