Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
