Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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