Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
