smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
