i dont even know how to be here
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
