I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
