Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You are the jesus of drinking
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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