I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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