I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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