Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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