Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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