Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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