Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize