Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
