plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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