I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
