1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
