I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
