mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
