your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
