Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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